Refocusing Grief

First of all, I would like to mention the difference between saddness and depression since there is a huge misconseption about them:

1. Depression: Caused from chemical reasons (neurotrasmitter or hormonal issues, side effect of medications). Depression can NOT be resolved with any amount of positive-attitude or will-power. Depression does not corespond with unfortunate events or situations. It can only be fixed by correcting the chemical problem. (I've only experienced this once in my life: 9 days of my first pregnancy, which my psychologist determined to be caused by a bad drug combination reaction. It was HORRIBLE!)

2. Sadness: Caused by unfortunate situations or events. Can be corrected with a positive attitude.

There have been a few people who have commented to me lately on the fact that I seem to be doing fine after my recent traumatic event. I think yesterday (when another friend made the same comment) I figured out why I seem to be doing so well: I have refocused all of my saddness and frustration and used that energy towards my huge/impossible goal of aquiring money for surrogacy. To be honest, I think I'm a little TOO focused on my new goal and I'm becoming a little over-the-top obessive about it (I lay awake at night trying to think of ways I can make money that doesn't involve neglecting my children).

Yesterday when I figured all of this out I told my friend my theory and she commented that she has a brother who is a psychologist and that is what he tells his patients to do to get out of deep depression: create a new goal and work hard towards it.
It sure seems to be working well for me. I'd rather be obsessive about my impossible goal than be watering my pillow every night and moaping around.

I was thinking about all of this while running this morning and it made me remember a nurse I once worked with. In a matter of 3 years she had 2 very traumatic events occur. First, her sister never came home from school one day. They never found her and never had any leads. Secondly, a year into her marriage she was cooking dinner in the kitchen with her husband when he droppped dead. She was an ICU nurse so she knew exactly what to do to help, but nothing worked and she lost her husband. After the second traumatic event us coworkers started noticing that this nurse was working a lot of extra shifts. Also, she became extremely fit. She was refocusing all of her grief and putting it into her job and into exercise. 2 years later she met someone else and apparently she wasn't grieving as much because she toned down her working and exercise.
I'd say that it wasn't unhealthy for this nurse friend of mine to do this. It is better than over-eating and laying in bed crying all day or losing her job by not going to work. Yes, it was a little over-the-top for a while (she was worknig 7 days a week!) but it got her through it.

So, the take-home message of this blog is: If you find yourself in a very difficult, sad situation (not be be confused with depression), find yourself a goal and work hard towards it. It will get you through until happier times come.